Let That Sh*t GO!

Have you heard that before? I'm sure at least a couple times-as have I. It is definitely WAY easier said than done. 

Letting "sh*t" go is a practice, just like anything else in life. You have to go through the sh*t first to get practice at this. The sh*t storm is like a category 5 hurricane when you're younger. The older I get it doesn't get easier but it does get better. The hurricane level is now at a level 2-still pretty messy but manageable...somewhat. 

Getting older and especially dealing with SH*TTY people still surprises me. How can someone treat another human with such disrespect? How can someone be so dishonest right to your face? It's even worse when you've opened yourself up to them, showed them love and even put trust in them. Obviously they're dealing with their own sh*t (are you getting tired of that word yet...). 

You see, it's not about you. You may be rolling your eyes thinking "oh no, she's going to use the it's not you, it's them" line. And I know...cheese and creative level 10. But another thing I've realized as I've gotten older is I love myself a lot and there are a lot of people who don't feel the same about themselves. If you don't love and respect yourself it's hard to show the same love and respect to other people.

Another important thing to keep in mind is that you cannot and should not try and waste your time trying to figure out a person or situation that is not in your control. Trust me, it frustrates me when people act horribly for no reason and are not honest and I'm left sitting there thinking, "whaaaat? why? did I do something?" The answer is no you didn't do anything, stop trying to figure out something that's out of your control and stay true to who YOU are. 

I am worthy of great relationships and deserve love. When you come to that realization and keep reminding yourself of that, letting sh*tty people and situations go becomes much easier. 

Remember your worth, remember to be nice to YOURSELF and others...they might be in the middle of a category 5 sh*t storm for all you know.  

Dear 2014

What a year. A year of pain, sorrow, heartache, joy, happiness and love. The year ended with a lot of pain. So much pain I didn't think I could handle. You threw this at me and part of me thought I deserved it. I started doubting myself, my choices and the path I had chosen so far. I began to think I had made a huge mistake-moving to pa and studying dance. I thought because of those choices I had lost the love of my life. The person I was supposed to be with forever. What the hell was going on. I was taken back so much. Months of being dragged around and being thrown this imaginary bone giving me a small token of hope that this person would snap out of it and go back to their normal self. 

And then there was the career thing. I was so lost this year overall. I didn't know what I was doing or what I was going to do. But just as you brought me to my lowest point you swept in and brought me some major highs. Doing what I love almost every day and getting to perform during the summer with my mom in the audience. Also, finding a person who showed me the meaning of  true friendship and who loved me exactly for who I was. A friendship blossomed in the dead of winter. While the winter of 2014 was so bitter in Pittsburgh, I was able to find joy in being around this person.

As the year dwindled down I lost what I thought was a best friend. And even though you, 2014, put me through so much pain, you also changed me. You made me stronger. You made me believe in myself more. You made me realize I can do it alone and be ok. It took awhile but I'm here now. And I am so damn grateful for it. I've found some awesome friends when I really wasn't looking. 

I believed it all happened for a reason. There's never a great or perfect time in life for things to happen. It's all about riding the wave, staying positive and taking what life gives you each step of the way. Life gets hard as 2014 was almost unbearable at times. But I'm ready to move forward and leave that behind.

As I enter a new year with a lighter heart and a clearer head, I'm aware 2015 will have its downs just as 2014 did. I'm ready. I'm also ready for the amazing highs it's going to throw at me. I'm ready for more love, more joy and more opportunities I will receive when it comes to doing the things I love.

 I'm so thankful for 2014. This year was full of growth and made me a better person. 

Staying Happy After a Relationship Ends

Sometimes you meet a person in your life and you and this person create an unbreakable bond. You trust this person with your secrets, your thoughts and fears and scarily enough with your entire heart. If you've ever received this opportunity in your life you have been blessed. Blessed to find someone like this and blessed to have been able to allow yourself to be that vulnerable with a person. After a certain amount of time (try almost 10 years in my case) we never think it's possible that that bond would be ever broken or changed.

But surprisingly sometimes it does in fact change. This unspoken respect and trust you've held for this one person dissolves as the other person changes into an unfamiliar being you've never come to know. Someone who once cared about this bond you two built together suddenly doesn't care anymore and stops respecting it. They ultimately stop respecting you. If you're lucky enough this person will be honest and open with you about it but of course this doesn't always happen.

How do you stay happy when the one person you cared for the most completely changes and stops caring for you? This is of course different for everyone. For me it's 100 percent painful to watch the best relationship I've had so far and worked on for so many years just go away. It's 100 percent painful to watch my best friend who loved me so much walk away from me. But as my mom explains, I am mourning for the old person who once showed me love and who I once could trust with everything in me. This person is gone.

Moving forward is something I'm in denial of. Is this really happening? Does this person really want this? And yes, at least now I know this person does not want this bond we once shared.

To stay happy I go through the feelings I am feeling. I allow myself to be sad but to not let it overtake me. I allow myself to be exactly where I am today. Today I am too afraid to face the fact I must fully move on and accept that this person does not want to be with me. I am not ready to let  go of the things I once knew so well. Today that's how I am feeling...I know someday soon I fully will have to accept this fact (which is even painful to type out).

A lot of times people tell you it will get better and time heals things...and yes it does. But it also helps to just focus on exactly what your going through as well as staying focused on yourself, your dreams what you want to accomplish. I am blessed to have once had such a connection with someone and I can say I am even blessed to be feeling this pain because it just tells me that I am alive and I experienced something really wonderful because it hurts so incredibly much to see it pass me by... especially for reasons I'll never fully understand. All I know is this person has changed and I deserve way better than the person they are now.

Allow yourself to breathe. Remember to be strong but to also experience all the pain that is moving through you. Today is painful but I know it gets better. I also know there is someone out there who will love me completely for exactly who I am. For now I focus on positive thoughts as I move through what seems to be a never ending healing process. It gets better is what they say...and I believe it. It gets better and new opportunities and people will head your way.

Don't forget all the people in your life who love you and care about you. Lean on them and allow them to support you and love you <3

My Latest Favorite Workout Tunes

I'm one of those people that find music as a major motivation while working out. I'm also one of those people who doesn't listen to all 'hard core' songs while working out...so some of these songs are a little more chill ;)

Here are some of my current favorites:

• Anna Sun - Walk the Moon
• Ghost - Ella Henderson 
• I Don't Feel Like Dancin' - Scissor Sisters
• Like I Can - Sam Smith 
• I Can Lift a Car - Walk the Moon
•  Four Walls - Broods
• Say My Name - ODESZA
• Sugar - Maroon 5
• Waiting Game - Banks
• Summer - Calvin Harris 
• Flashed Junk Mind - Milky Chance 
• Coffee - Sylvan Esso
• Touch - Troye Sivan
• My Darlin' - Miley Cyrus
• Tightrope - Walk the Moon
• Letters From the Sky - Civil Twighlight 

Find out what else helps to motivate me here:
:)

Dealing with Unclarity

A surge of stress has overcome me these days which rarely ever happens...my best friend has changed, my plans have changed and my lease ends September 16th. The next step is unclear.

I focused the past four years of my life mainly on one thing--dance. I fostered an even deeper love of this art form more than I could ever imagine. I risked relationships, lost the person I loved the most and moved extremely far away from my family all for this one thing. And what am I doing now you ask? Four years later, magna cum laude graduate with a bachelors degree in dance, I'm dancing. I'm in a professional dance company and totally happy about it despite all the hardships and heartache that went along with it. To me, it's worth it. Anything that makes you happy is worth it in the end.  But let's be real this can't support me forever, because it barely does now. Even the big time dancers dancing in more familiar dance companies in New York City have second or more jobs to be able to support themselves.

I don't regret going to school for dance. I'm forever grateful my parents granted me the opportunity to study dance in college, probably knowing full well I'd graduate and and be broke with a dance degree. Here I am a year after graduating college and totally unsure of where I'm heading career wise. I've played around with the thought of many careers such as things from being a nurse, an EMT, a midwife to things such as being a nutritionist. But going back to school for these things takes time and money and after spending so much time focused on dance it's hard to tell what I really want. I thought for awhile I wanted to be a nurse but after volunteering in the cardiac unit at the hospital I saw the sickly cycle of heart attack victims going through surgery just to be fed with the same crap that got them there and then told to take medication for the rest of their lives. Don't get me wrong, nurses are amazing. Just not the job for me.

The problem is, is that I don't know what the job for me is and I don't know what it is I want. If I knew, I'd go at it with full force. You see I'm the kind of person that goes for things. Even though I can sometimes be an introvert and shy with strangers from time to time, when I want something I work hard and go for it. I was the student in school who went to every class, studied hard for tests and made sure I was going to ace that class no matter what it took. Now without the structure of school and fulfilling those little goals and criteria I had to meet for classes I feel lost and a tad bit purposeless. No one's telling me what to do and I feel like at 23 I should have these things at least somewhat together.

As stressful and agonizing as the situation can be, the other half of me sees a really exciting time. It's a time where nothing is holding me back-- no serious job or serious responsibilities such as kids. I can essentially do whatever I want. The process can either be accepted or denied. Right now I'm accepting the process. Accepting the confusion, the tears and frustration. Accepting the fact I may have to move home for a few months to figure it out. But all along I keep in mind all the many loved ones who support me and take care of me even from miles away and knowing that it's all going to be Ok. It always is.

3 Things I've Recently Added to my Diet for Better Health

I recently read one of Dr. Fuhrman's many books called Eat To Live. I absolutely loved this book. He encourages his readers that eating healthy doesn't have to be hard (no counting calories!) and he stresses the importance of good health and it's effects on your body in the present as well as down the road.

 

In one section of the book, Dr. Fuhrman talks about the importance of eating GBOMBS or 

GREENS
BEANS
ONIONS      

MUSHROOMS

BERRIES &

SEEDS

According to Dr. Furhman these are "the most nutrient-dense, health-promoting foods on the planet...[and] should [be] eaten every day."

I follow a plant based diet so my diet revolves  mainly around these foods. However, after reading Eat to Live, the 3 foods I recently have added to my diet for better health are: 

Raw Onions, Mushrooms & Tomato Paste 

 I typically throw one or all of these things into my salads or into a bean dish

 According to Dr. Fuhrman, "these foods are extremely effective at preventing chronic disease and promoting health and longevity."  

For more information on why these are healthy check out these 2 posts on Dr. Fuhrman's website: 

http://www.drfuhrman.com/library/gbombs.aspx 
https://www.drfuhrman.com/library/tomatoes_protect_against_heart_attack_stroke.aspx

Also, if you get a chance read Eat to Live ! I love, love loved it :) 

source: http://www.drfuhrman.com/library/gbombs.aspx

Goal Setting & Staying Focused

I always strive towards a productive, healthy and happy life. 

I feel as if all of us at some point become complacent in our lives from time to time. We get into a comfortable pattern and stick with it, instead of branching out. I am always yearning to learn, grow and experience more. This can be in the tiniest of ways. For example, I listen to a lot of podcasts on health as well as read books on the subjects that interest me. I also try to mix up my schedule from time to time just so I don't become stuck on the same routine. Usually when we're stuck on the same schedule we begin just moving through the motions without really thinking about them or being aware of them...and then BAM our day is done.

Just recently I sat down and sat with my thoughts. I put my electronics away and turned my phone on silent. With this time I listed a bunch of goals and things that I want to accomplish. I included:

• Career goals
• Relationship goals
• Immediate goals
• Long term goals

The great thing about goals is that you can always deviate away from them, change them or add on to them. I don't think they have to be set in stone or necessarily achieved exactly the way you initially wrote it down. Goals for me are things that I currently am desiring to achieve as well as something to give me direction and focus in life.

Wherever you are in your life, setting goals can help you become more focused on your future as well as today. 

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world & have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult" 

~E.B. White